i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Just cropdusted the office
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
