I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
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