yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
