I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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