Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize