if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
So much Jack, so little girl.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
