babies were throwing up all over the place
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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