So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
