It's Friday. Sex?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
