Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize