dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
