The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
