Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
