and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
