She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
This is the high leading the old right now
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
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