it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
