i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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