come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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