why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
