you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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