If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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