So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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