They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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