there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
