Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
