I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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