what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
she woke up with a sticky ear
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
My bed smells like the plague
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
