Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
