Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
