cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize