dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
