You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
