I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
