so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
