okay pat passed out under dana's car
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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