That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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