Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
