I cockslap morals
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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