Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
