Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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