Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Its about making memories worth repressing
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
