One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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