I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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