:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just had sex on a roof
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
