yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
