I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I faked an abortion last night.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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