Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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