Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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