my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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