Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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