All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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