I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize
