Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
