help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
