i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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