Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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