I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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