His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
