when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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