some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
