im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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