are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
There's even glitter on my cock...
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