i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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