I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
