I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
