i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
