They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
