Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
