It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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