I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
We left the knife in your bed.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
