i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize