omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
