Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
