she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
