WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
