i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
oh god was she eating orange peels again
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
