y did u give ur computer a hand job?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize