i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
