Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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