I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
He felt like a one man threesome
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
