There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
