Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize