Got a toothbrush?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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