He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
