So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
