Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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