it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
