Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
