I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize