so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Randomize
