I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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