all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
They have beer where we have blood.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
