I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
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