there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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